Master of the Camp
by msyuu
Summary: Marshmallows shall fly, matches will ignite, and chocolate shall melt as this incredible battle between Deidara and Sasori breaks out while they're camping in woods. Hopefully the forest won't burn down. SasoDei *CRACK*
1. Chapter 1

A/N: My first crackfic! YAY!  
Credit for the idea goes to _Sir Julius.  
_  
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto Shippuden.

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"Sasoriiiiiii! Deidaraaaaaaaaa!" someone yelled. "Leader-Sama needs you guys in his offiiiiiiiice!"

Deidara groaned and looked up from his ball of clay. He frowned as Tobi crashed through the wall, spraying fragments of wood all over the room as a consequence.

". . . Tobi, you're going to fix this," Deidara stated, his left eye twitching.

The masked nin whimpered and got on his knees. He picked up a wood fragment and held it up to Deidara's unamused face.

"Tobi's a good boy, but he doesn't know how to fix this, Senpai! He doesn't! Honest!"

Deidara smiled.

"You will fix it . . . or else," the blonde said, reaching over and opening the closet to reveal various bottles of multi-colored liquids. "These are Danna's poisons. You wouldn't want them to end up in your food, right?" He laughed loudly as Tobi started to cry and then Deidara left his room, heading towards Pein's office.

Moments later, Sasori walked in his room and was met by Tobi trying to super glue the wall back into place.

"Err . . . you called, Tobi?" Sasori asked tentatively.

"Yes, Sasori! Please go to Pein's office!" Tobi yelled.

"Alright," the Akasuna said. He turned to leave but was stopped by Tobi attaching himself to his leg.

"Sasori, Tobi's a good boy! Please hide your poisons! Pretty please with Deidara-Senpai on top!"

Sasori stared at Tobi, his expression somewhat angry, detached his leg from his body, and began hopping to Pein's office. He could retrieve his leg later.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto Shippuden

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Sasori stepped in Pein's office, afraid that he'd done something to upset the psychotic man. When he saw Deidara, he relaxed, assuming that he'd just be assigned a new mission.

"Sup, chick?" The redhead said.

Deidara turned around, a rather large vein bulging on his forehead.

"I thought you of all people would know that I'm not a girl, Danna," Deidara commented, a sly smirk on his face. "After all, aren't you the one that plants hidden cameras in the shampoo bottles while I'm in the shower?"

Sasori gulped and shifted his gaze to his feet. If it were possible, he would be experiencing a massive nosebleed.

. . . but he's a puppet. So it's not possible.

Just then, Pein appeared from behind a curtain, rubbing at his neck. When he removed his hand, a red splotch was visible. Deidara and Sasori tried to keep a straight face, but failed, eventually bursting into a maniacal laughter that would've scared anyone.

Yes, even Orochimaru.

Pein ignored their laughter and, instead of killing the pair, threw two heavy packs in their direction. The loud thud of the packs hitting the ground hard stopped the artistic duo's laughter . . . midlaugh.

"I'm sick and tired of you guys. I'm tired of Sasori bringing corpses here to turn them into puppets and making our base smell like rotten intestines, and I'm tired of Deidara blowing up all of our shit. You guys are leaving for a week," Pein said, his eyes daring the Akatsuki members to say otherwise.

"Where are we going, Leader-Sama?" Deidara asked, his eyes wide.

". . . camping."

Just then, Tobi crashed through the wall, once again spraying wood fragments all over the place.

"No, Leader-Sama! Don't take away my Deidara-Senpai! Noooo! Tobi will be a good boy! He promises!"

"Yeah, you're definitely going camping."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Sorry for the late-ish upload. There's been some issues here and yeah.. =_=  
Excuse the OOC-Ness. This *IS* a crack fic, after all, so Sasori's gonna act like he's on crack.  
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto: Shippuden

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After cleaning up the wood fragments all over Pein's office, the artistic duo set out for the forest. Sasori wasn't allowed to take any puppets because of the possibility of him killing Deidara with one of them. Deidara, however, was allowed to take his explosive clay.

Which resulted in a very cranky Akasuna.

"Stupid brat with his stupid clay and his stupid girlie blonde hair . . . stupid," the puppet man mumbled to himself. "Well, at least there's lots of trees and rocks . . . I can make some tools and create some puppets . . ." he said while he rubbed his hands together in the way that an evil mastermind would.

A couple minutes later, a happy little bug landed on Sasori's pinky. The little bug walked around before it sunk its jaws into his finger and ate away at half of it. Before the bug could eat more, Sasori screeched and smacked his finger multiple times, effectively killing the insect.

". . . wood eating bugs . . . they eat wood . . . they'll kill me!" Sasori yelled, running past Deidara and deeper into the woods.

"What the hell, man," Deidara said as he was shocked into stillness by the blur of red and black running past him.

Deidara shrugged and continued walking, his heavy pack slowing him down a little. After about an hour, he found a small clearing and started setting up the tents when he saw a figure crouched down behind a bush. He took out a kunai and threw it at the figure, smirking when he heard a "thump."

"Ouch, you bastard! Now there's a hole in my arm!" was the reply from the bush.

Deidara's eyes widened. "S-Sasori Danna?"

"Oh, brat, it's you! Help me!" Sasori said, emerging from the bush looking quite horrible, to be honest. His eyes were wide and his hair was in a complete disarray. If it were possible, there would probably be foam around his mouth.

"Ur . . . with what?" Deidara asked, confused. He was certain Sasori was gonna beat him to death for striking him with a kunai.

"T-the wood-eating bugs . . . they're gonna massacre me . . ." the redhead said, holding up his half-eaten pinky as proof.

". . . y'know we have bug repellant spray, right?"


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Is this.. an update? /gasp/ xD Sorry guys, I had a virus on my computer and I forget that ff.n exists during the summer.. but I did write for this fic! I'll be updating every other day until school starts next Thursday. :) The chapters are indeed short, but that's just how I roll. :'D

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto Shippuden.

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Sasori felt his right eye twitch in annoyance. The blonde buffoon had bug-repellant spray and he hadn't told him? His freak out was for nothing? Deidara was not going to get away with that.

"Oh, you'll see, blondie. You'll see . . ." the Akasuna whispered maniacally while slathering his entire body with bug spray. He looked at what remained of his pinky and sighed, wondering what he had done to deserve such humiliation. "Defiled by a mere bug . . ."

Meanwhile, Deidara was shaking his head at not being able to find any decent clay. His detonation clay wouldn't be enough to build a shelter in the case that a storm suddenly appeared and the tents were destroyed, so he was on the lookout for some natural clay . . . which was nowhere to be found.

He sighed and turned around, heading back towards what was the camp grounds. He sighed and sat down on a tree trunk once he reached the clearing and looked for his clay in his backpack. Once he found it, he put his hand in the pouch and was amazed to find that his clay was extremely watery and goopy. The blonde stood up, his face turning red from anger.

"SASORI!"

If you paid close attention to the sounds of the forest, you would be able to hear a madman cackling maniacally in the distance.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: SASODEI FLUFF!  
This *is* a **SASODEI** fic, so yeah.. FLUFF TIEM! This chapter isn't soo cracky, but I srsly needed the fluff.. :l

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Boo hoo.

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The next morning, Deidara woke up and realized that Sasori still hadn't returned to the campsite. He sighed and looked at his ruined clay, his anger surfacing again, but only for a slight moment.

"I really can't stay angry at that guy, un," Deidara said to nobody in particular. He shook his head and walked over to the tent that held their packs, intending to look for food to cook. Soon after, the blonde bomber heard some rustling in the leaves and exited the tent to see what the noise was. To say he was shocked to see Sasori holding 3 fish was an understatement.

Sasori stared at the blonde, a confused look on his face.

"What? Is this really surprising to you?" the redhead asked, a subtle smile playing on his lips.

"Yes, it is, un," Deidara said quietly. He adverted his gaze to the ground to avoid looking at Sasori's eyes.

"Why? I know how to fish, y'know," Sasori said, laughing slightly.

Deidara stared at the Akasuna, his azure eyes open wide. "Are you SANE?" he asked, bewildered. "WHY did you bring fish? I mean.. you don't even EAT!" the bomber yelled, shaking his head in desperation. The puppet had no reason to get him fish! Didn't he hate him anyways?

Sasori narrowed his eyes and glared at Deidara. "Well, if you don't want them, fine!"

With that, the puppet threw the fish onto the ground and stomped off in the direction of the forest.

Deidara groaned and slapped his forehead. His face was turning pink from embarrassment. "Stupid bomber, un. Keep your mouths shut! Way to overreact, un.."


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Is this an update? Yes, it is. :l  
Sorry guys, school has been hectic since the first day, and it's driving me nuts! Hope this chapter sorta makes up for it. :C  
**BTW**, this fic **WILL NOT** contain anything sexual.. at all.. -.- and I'm **changing my penname to ChazzyChizzle** tomorrow. Just a heads up.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

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Sasori huffed, crossed his arms, and quickened his pace. He was only trying to be nice, so why did Deidara blow up at him? It's not like he poisoned the fish . . . right? That thought made the redhead stop dead in his tracks and recall the moment wherein he caught those fish. Once he was absolutely sure that he did not remember poisoning the fish, he resumed his walk into the deeper end of the forest.

"I need to find a clearing . . . maybe I can make my own shelter far away from that stupid brat . . ."

In the distance, he heard a large roar caused by rushing water. He wondered what was causing it, so he ran towards the noise.

He slipped, tripped, struggled, fumbled, and stumbled, but he continued running. His curiosity simply had to be quenched. He just had to occasionally grab onto a vine to keep himself from falling.

The Akasuna stopped running when the roar got deafeningly loud. He walked slowly towards the source of the noise, which seemed to be blocked by large leaves. He tentatively moved the leaves aside, and his eyes nearly fell out of their sockets at the sight.

A large waterfall was there, the water gathering at the pool at the bottom a nice crystalline blue, and mist surrounding the point wherein the waterfall connected to the pool, making everything blurry and dream-like. A couple of fishes swam here and there, and there was a lot of multicolored flowers dotting the banks of the pool. He took everything in slowly, savoring the scene.

"Too bad this won't be here forever . . ." he whispered. "I must show this to the brat."

And with that statement, he turned around and trekked back to the campsite, only to find it empty.

Meanwhile, the blonde in question stood under the spray of that same waterfall, bathing peacefully.


End file.
